Almost everyone, except one or two persons, do not know this about me. People think I am a confident person. People think I am an extrovert.
Truth is, I wasn't such a person. I was kind of a shy person, or could be that I was very arrogant (for no particular reason). I was an introvert. I wouldn't talk to you unless you were;
1) Same age as me or older.
2) One of my close buddies.
Notice I didn't even put 'hot chic' in there. Because I was shy towards girls. Not if the girls were really noisy and outspoken ones who approach me first (yeah I was a total loser, but in some way I feel that's good...it simply means I'm not born with a "buaya king" character...haha).
I always felt that I couldn't do anything right (before I continue, let me just remind you that this isn't an emo post). Unlike other people, I was very reserved. There was nothing in me that I could show, because I simply had no confidence in myself. I didn't think I was capable of doing anything (or at least anything right). The only thing I could show was my ability in sports. Yeah I can play any game you challenge me in. I used to play football, basketball, badminton, volleyball, floorball, captain's ball (does this count?), etc. The sport I achieved the most is in athletics. Represented school and district for few years, getting medals and all, yada yada... but all these amounts to nothing. Because I thought myself to be just mediocre.
Bet you guys never thought I was a no confidence, low self-esteem, introverted kind of person eh? Well, I 'WAS'. Until I accepted Jesus into my heart...
Things changed so quickly. I feel like I've grown into a bigger person (I always wonder why I can't grow horizontally a bit). Yes still childish in a way, but wiser now. I might not be the sharpest tool in the academics shade, but look into the music toolbox and you'll find a capable weapon in me. I'm a jack-of-all-trades in sports. I could just play anything and be above average in it. I'm also a worship leader, a cell leader and a mentor. Justin? Leader?? Mentor?? Good grief! What's wrong with the church???
Yeah I thought that to myself before, but then again, am I to listen to myself, the world or God?
I'm not bragging. I don't have anything about myself to brag about. I'm still a loser. It's just that I'm just sharing about the wonderful talents that God has given me. I didn't realise I had this much of talent in me, until God put me through various tests that brought the best out of me.
Romans 8: 37 "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."
Yea, the Word of God says so. I have been through many situations which forced me to rethink about myself; my capabilities, my talents, my ability to accomplish things. Most importantly the testing of my faith (which I will share one day about my testimony that I love to tell).
How did I become a conqueror? One way is through the talents and abilities God has blessed me with. Example, like patience, especially with the nosy and ever-full-of-complains-about-petty-issues old client aunties. They certainly are a pain in the neck, always complaining about this and that, scolding you out of their own mistakes right in front of the whole office (yeah I got this before, countless times, so much so I've developed a thick skin towards such events).
If I was the old Justin, I would've started a verbal world war with them, which might end up with me getting the sack. Because I can't stand such people. "Don't know how to use the telephone then go and learn la! So difficult meh?? Brain too stressed just thinking what to press to make a call meh??" But God taught me to be patient. Hence, I developed patience. And as a result, they became nice to me. God rewarded me.
Being a leader wasn't something I applied or requested to be. People just asked me to be a leader and mentor, which surprisingly, I agreed, knowing that I had no experience at all in leading anyone or anything. But I knew there was a purpose that I was so quick in taking the job. Now I know that it was just to hone my leadership skills. Heck, even the willingness to lead is also considered a good attribute. How often do you get a "OK I'll do it" when you ask someone to do something? I surely wasn't like this last time, but I just know I should do it. God saw the leadership ability in me, and He wanted to mould it to be greater. And of course, it is still in the process.
From a cell assistant leader and cell worship leader in university, to a cell leader, church worship leader and a mentor in Ipoh, God has certainly taken me to greater heights by putting me under the knife and carving me into a sharper tool.
My little testimony of how God can use someone like me, a self-professed loser and introvert, a low self-esteemed moron, shed the bad skin away, and leave me with a new, refined, purified image, just like His. I am capable of anything, because I am more than a conqueror in His eyes.
And this begs the question: why would such a BIG, GLORIOUS, and MIGHTY GOD even want to bother about something so insignificant like me??
Simply because He loved me right from the very beginning, which I have bolded in the aforementioned verse, "...Him who loved us." Notice it's written as "loved", past tense. And God loved me way before I was born.
I like how Louis Giglio put it during Chris Tomlin's Indescribable tour; we're "...to God, we're significant insignificance...". Comparing us to the size of the universe, we're smaller than a speck of dust (watch the DVD of the Indescribable tour and you'll know what I'm talking about). We're so small that if I was God, I would think that humans are an insignificant lot of organisms. But to God, we're so significant that He still "..loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."
Jesus died for me way before I was born. How beautiful is that? To you readers, especially those who aren't Christians, keep on following my blog, I'll be sharing more about how God has been so awesome to me, when all I deserved is a great, holy spanking =)
Now for one big hurdle; since I took guitar seriously in 2004, I started to want to take it to a whole new level. But until now, I haven't been able to play really well. I had a target, but I just can't seem to reach it. My fingers' engines seem to be getting slower and slower. Either that, or I just need to push harder and harder. What am I to do?
Set a new target. "Which target?"
"Woah, that's a really difficult target. I don't think you can do it la."
"Why not? Jack achieved it." (Jack Thammarat, from Thailand, is the winner of Guitar Idol 2009)
"Difficult la. Look at those players. They can shred through the fretboard like a hot knife through a butter. And they have been playing for umpteenth years, with vast experience and knowledge of the guitar. You only know how to change strings and polish the guitar well."
And thinking about it, I can't even play a decent 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' to save my life.
Having said what I said earlier, can I do it?
Or, can I do it, Lord?